Archive for September, 2008

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September 29, 2008


Get your worries off your chest

As sweet as the footage is, I’m pretty sure the Enjoi Berrics clip doesn’t quite capture the total idiotic euphoria that seems to have run rampant through this session like some sort of flamboyantly homosexual ox. Is Louie Barletta the Gallagher of skateboarding? Is Gallagher the Jose Rojo of Nigerian email schemes? Does Jesse Erickson have a unique real estate apprenticeship opportunity available for a limited time?

Sometimes I wonder: Enjoi reality show, yea or nay? Maybe if it was produced by those Takeshi’s Castle guys… or perhaps Longmont Potion Castle

Addendum: my other favorite trick. Because it’s impossible to choose only one.

JR Returns

September 28, 2008


Sober mind power

I’m sure there were likelier candidates than Jereme Rogers to become the Christian handrail version of Chris Gentry for the late aughts, but today, having awoken to the skateboard peanut gallery’s equivalent of Paris Hilton’s two-way getting cracked, I can’t imagine who those candidates might have been. It’s like the final piece of an amazing puzzle has fallen into place: former Caucasian child star, copious amounts of ostentatious jewelry, sudden and fervent conversion to Christianity, neck tattoos, and now–of course!–rap music.

As a musician, “JR” is surprisingly distinct from Terry Kennedy, his partner in luxury goods appreciation and internet business ventures. Where TK’s rough-edged braggadocio centers on money, women and hitting people over the head with gun-butts, JR plays the role of the elder statesman, imparting the hard-learned lessons of street life which he knows so well. A quick overview of the JR songography as currently available:

“This the Type of Shit” f. Roc: JR’s breathy crooning masks disarmingly smooth disses, akin to Mary Poppins’ spoonful of sugar, and the vulgarity of the hook (handled here by JR himself) belies intricate conceptual thinking on the part of the former Transworld rookie of the year (see the “ten letters” bar). Following the trend recently popularized by Jay-Z, JR apparently does not write down his rhymes, but the instrumental harkens back to the easy-riding G-funk era.
Key line: “This is just step one.”
Rating: 5 neck tattoos

“Nobody Wanna Live Without” F. Eddie Rap Life: A more urgent number, driving and a touch bleak, JR gets deep speaking on the struggles of youth today. Growing up in the hood, a topic JR knows well, isn’t easy and he understands that often kids’ only outlet lies in flights of fancy: “Late night dreams of you and a gold rope, UHHH… how fresh you could look in that pea coat” “You could be the next Jay-Hov…” But JR warns against turning to a life of crime to accomplish these ends, imploring youngsters to instead “open up your bibles, put down your rifles.”
Key line: “Shoulda been content with the life you were used to.”
Rating: Four neck tattoos

“Keep the Faith” f. Renee Renee: JR, despite his deep devotion to Christ and providing a positive and sober urban role model for the kids, is no angel. He’s lived the fast life and still slips up now and then, evidenced by the “smoke trees” line. Yet it’s what one does with these mistakes–JR probably would call them opportunities–that determines the measure of a man, and JR is right up front with his humanity: “Make mistakes, shit that’s okay, me I musta made about 10 today/Just made another one, I just said shit, but I won’t say it again unless the track require.” Too Short-esque wordplay with “Heaven-sent flow”–JR’s just getting started. (Judging by Renee Renee’s wavering chorus, JR isn’t alone here.)
Key line: “Go for your dreams, believe in it, me I’m knee deep in it.”
Rating: Three neck tattoos

Leather prowler

September 26, 2008


Ambiguous indeed

Now, I’m not saying Peter Watkins looks like a well-worn gay porn star here, but… I can’t think of a way to end this post.

Beauty and the badass

September 25, 2008


Savage life

After scouring the internet all week, I finally FINALLY downloaded it today: the Brian Anderson HD outtakes from the upcoming “Beauty and the Beast” DVD, which I solemnly promise myself will be the last tour video I ever buy, ever. For real this time.

You know that age-old saying, “if men had boobs they’d never leave the house”? Well, if I could do smith grinds like BA does about a quarter of the way through the clip, and I could make my arm go like that, I’d never leave the quarterpipe.

One Flare to Rule Them All

September 23, 2008


Mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker

So: having forever changed the skateboard video as we know it (well sort of), Lakai, possibly drunk on Mariano footage and its own hubris, will try its hand at redefining the limited edition cash-in DVD with the Final Flare box set, for which they have prepared a new podcast trailer thing. And let me tell you, as much as I’m looking forward to Marc Johnson’s musings on the existential trials of filming a 12-minute video part, I most likely will indeed shuffle off to the skateboard store with a heavy sigh and a twinge of guilt and plonk down my $59 or whatever.

Let’s be serious, I don’t have that kind of folding money in the best of times, and bear in mind we’re dealing with a bona fide recession now, according to at least one USDA official. What I’m saying is, this means something.

Allegedly the box set will include three discs, a photo booklet, photo gallery (!), blah blah. More to the point: alternate edits (read: less ramped slow-mo and “lifestyle” clips between each line), the making-of documentary (which will be interesting in an On Video sort of way [read: watch once]), and the goddamn bonus footage that everybody’s been waiting on since the premiere. Because I had this sneaking suspicion that some of the bazillion tricks that didn’t make it into the video were in fact landed. (Jesus’s trick in the preview is ba-fucking-nanas.)

All cheap-shot snarks aside, I think Lakai played this pretty smart actually. They kept a lot of the tricks that were already in magazines out of the official video, so it had some surprises, but they knew people would want to see that shit eventually. I do feel where the pros are coming from, talking about the whole anticipation/hype around the video (although MJ sounded a little melodramatic), so the making-of ought to be at least kind of interesting. And a Blu-Ray DVD will be cool when I get around to buying a hot PS3 off a greasy, mustachioed guy at the flea market. Some day…

Also I’m assuming they’re going to hold on to all the original music. If Mannie Fresh gets pulled, I’m demanding my $59 back.

Of course the ultimate reason why it’s tough to hold the limited edition cash-in against Lakai is that videos don’t sell for shit nowadays*, so how are you gonna blame them for trying to recoup on all that airfare to China. Those four-hour “massages” ain’t free you know, especially with the dollar as weak as it is. Not to mention the fact that the vast majority of skateboarders now live an unthinkable distance from major urban areas where one can even buy skateboard videos, at least according to the “Ride the Sky” topic on Slap. Hey, they’d buy it if they could. It’s tough all over, people.

*with the exception of “Fully Flared”

Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight

September 22, 2008


Blood to let

OK first off, I don’t have the Fallen video, so don’t leave comments asking for a PM, OK, thanks. I predict Gilbert Crockett will have the best part, Brian Hansen will have the bushiest beard and Josh Harmony will stick his butt out when he lands tricks. Perhaps Jamie Thomas will up the ante against TWS for dusty 70s road-trip rock, but that’s just rank speculation of the sort that brought down Lehman Brothers Holdings. And nobody wants that.

But sticking with the topic of rock and or roll: I ran across the above photo of Hank Williams III in the Billy Marks issue of Thrasher, and flipped past it several times in the ensuing week before I noticed that, of all his old Thrasher issues (which it’s pretty cool that he kept, I guess) he opts to feature a Gator cover, of all things. Now, I have no idea if Hank III, who makes no bones about his own self-destructive tendencies, is aware of the Rogowski saga on any level. (You’d think the born-again angle might turn him off, but he’s a red-stater by birth, so who knows.) It was just one of those things that gave me pause, like, is Hank III get deep and dark enough into skating that he’s saluting one of its more notorious (and not in a good way) characters? I kind of doubt it, but then I didn’t know he was down with Poison Idea either, so, hey.

(I’m not the planet’s hugest fan of Hank Williams III, but I very much like this song, which features a line about how his uncle was an alligator.)

Anyway, what made this worth posting about at all was this scary/gnarly/bizzaro interview with KoRn guitarist Brian “Head” Welch, regarded by some as rap/rock’s preeminent Pippi Longstocking traditionalist. I like to imagine reading this with chugging guitars and some goomba grunting in the background:

RY: What do you think was the most taxing thing you had to write about? What was the hardest for you to express and get it down on the paper?

Head: I’d say that part when me and my ex-wife, when she started messing around I think. She was lying to me, and I just lost it and I got a skateboard and I just beat her with it. I was just thinking about my daughter and my mom reading it, and I was like OH MAN. But I felt something in me saying put it in there, put it in there. Get it out, get it out of you, and it’s gonna help someone hearing about these intimate details, you know? It was hard though.

Interesting, no? Now, if Gator were dead I’d say we have in front of us a clear case of his spirit possessing rockers in an attempt to assault more women while pursuing his own twisted dreams of celeb glory. But he’s not, because if he were I’m sure I would have seen some awkward memorial in TWS by now. So either this is coincidence, or Gator is in league with Len, the tortured astral projectionist from the first Zero video… and none of us is safe.

To address this issue, I am going to try and make contact with the actor who portrayed the priest in the first Exorcist (the good one), who I hope will offer guidance. If Boil the Ocean does not post within 48 hours, I have failed, Gator and Len are doubtless in cahoots, and all is lost. Godspeed, dear reader.

Is Real the smartest skateboard company?

September 20, 2008


Bitch I might be

No Boondoggle, but what is: Real put on Davis Torgerson.

Last of a dirty breed

September 18, 2008


Hit your burglar alarms

I got Joe Perrin’s heater of a video “Last of the Mohicans” a while back and after a couple weeks of watching it I’m basically left with a bunch of questions: Is Fred Gall the grindingest dude over 25 in the skateboard realm? Is he the grindingest dude period? Did Steve Durante skate to a Blues Traveler instrumental? Why do people film James Frankhouse? How did Josh Dowd roll away from the last switch wallride in his part? How come so many of these Florida dudes wear beards?

Because I mean, there’s East Coast grime yeah, and then there’s Florida grime… sweaty, mossy, crushed glass and dead brown rat grime. And haze. I used to think it was just fogged up cameras but after watching “The Good Life” a billion times along with the older Statics I have come to understand that the air in Florida literally sweats, creating a sort of light fog. This is known to meteorologists as the Gershon effect.

In spite of my usual “too long” complaint, which in this instance I will amend to “just a little bit too long,” the “Mohicans” video knocks on pretty much all levels. The lineup has familiar dirts (Danny Renaud, Jon Newport, Jimmy Lannon, Joel Meinholz), lesser-known dirts (Dowd, 80s Joe, Ross Norman who skates sort of like Andy Honen) and a generous sprinkling of random others such as Durante, Jack Sabback and Todd Jordan, as well as Al Davis and Dave Caddo, those Cincinnati dudes who can’t hold jobs.

Skating-wise it’s along the same lines as Josh Stewart’s “Static” stuff, with maybe less cellar doors and more manuals I suppose. Also less reverence for mouldering brick structures. Highlights: Fred Gall’s meaty switch wallie in his opening line…Al Davis’ b/s 180 switch frontside crooked grind revert…Durante’s seen-it-before-but-bigger-this-time switch backside tailslide switch heelflip…Caddo’s frontside 180 switch crooked grind…Ed Selego’s towering nosegrind…80s’ masterful switch heelflip over the gap…Renaud’s entire section as usual but most especially the backside noseblunt revert. Man.

It builds to a sweaty, bearded crescendo, Josh Dowd’s closer part, which is pretty much one shocking switch move after the other. Switch backside lipslide to switch backside 5-0, that kind of shit. The switch frontside crooked grind up above. A big switch 360 flip at the end of a line. Hopefully somebody puts him on, he’s got serious wacky type shit going on.

So right, this is one of the best videos of the year. I knew it would be too. Besides Josh Dowd it also features a lot of beer drinking, night skating and occasional gunfire. Buy it from Killa Tapes so Perrin can film Dango’s antics in HD next time.

Take me out

September 17, 2008


Add an organic taco, some Oakley Blades and a parachute and you’d never even guess

Try as I may, I haven’t been able to find any video of X-Game Mega Ramper Bob Burnquist delivering his xtremely Brazilian take on the national anthem of our national pasttime last night at Wrigley Field. However, according to the early reviews, it didn’t go over so well…

Who’s this piece of Howry singing?

Holy crap. PLEASE end the 7th inning stretch experiment. Whothehell is this guy??

You clearly never played Tony Hawk

Holy crap, that was brutal.

Skateboarding legend? Hmm… Looked like he was having trouble reading the words off that piece of paper they gave him.

As if that wasn’t enough, the dude or dudes who won the autographed Burnquist board giveaway are hot to unload it. Complete with accessories! Gentlemen, start your bidding…

Search the horizon

September 16, 2008


Mystery rider

Busy lately, so absent any kind of substantial update I’ll take this opportunity to post some amusing search terms this site has collected over the last few months. These phrases and more brought noble internet pilgrims to these shores, though how long they stayed is anybody’s guess…

“henry sanchez” asshole
neil urwin new deal
terry kennedy lyrics
bong mask for sale
danny way philanthropy
“sean sheffey” taxes
mr slate
beagle beating up corey duffel at the maloof money cup
pink and green pharrell ice creams
dylan rieder’s roommate
burberry shorts
corey duffel braks leg in 07
what does bfff mean
skateboarder fights all comers
“sean sheffey” “jake brown” +snake
nick trapasso smoking
arto the pimp
sean sheffey pet snake


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