Two Sides


“They know I’m a troublemaker”

How about I continue to milk the recent Slap issue. The Karma interview, thusly juxtaposed with Andy Roy’s Big Brother feature, teaches us that when it comes to brawling with snowboard bro-brahs in Utah, it all comes down to your perspective…

Big Brother, 1996:
Chris Pontius: Ddin’t you guys get in a fight with some guys in Utah?

Andy Roy: Yeah! That’s how this window got busted out. That was sick! Little Richard [Paez] started a fight with all those snowboarders. This little girl was fucking with him. He had a hood on, and she grabbed the strings and pulled them down. Her boyfriend was standing right next to her, and he shoved Richard.

Karma Tsocheff: No, but what were you saying to them?

Andy Roy: I was all, “I’m a pro snowboarder. I ride for Palm-er. I do the pow-pow.” “WHUT!” he got all pissed off, and shoved Richard again. He was small, so I shoved him – remember, I was spitting on that one guy, all those loogies on his back. They got mad, put me in a headlock, and shoved us all outside.

Karma: All these guys were holding my arms back, and this one guy, this pro snowboarder named, Andy Brewer, had his hands in my mouth. Andy Brewer’s a little bitch.

Andy Roy: So the whole party rushes outside right? I go, “you guys rip off skateboarding! You guys are FAGGOTS!” They freaked out. This one guy is all, “I want to fight you!” I’m all, “Alright, I’ll fight you.” He goes, “Okay.” He was all wasted. So I put up my dukes–BOOM! One punch, knocked him out. Then his big buddy came up to me pissed off. He was huge. I was scared he was gonna crush me, and then Karma stepped in–WHAM! Bottle over the head! Fucking on the ground! Then Richard runs to the van, grabs a skateboard, tosses it to Karma, and he starts smashing it over his head. And I went, “What? I want to get in on some of that,” and started kicking him in the head. I had blood all over my shoe. You fucked him up!

Karma: It was so crazy, because after I broke the bottle over his head, we ran by the van, and the dude got up and all of his friends came charging at the van, and the biggest dude was running alongside the van, and the second he came around the corner–BAM!–the deck went straight to his head. Just fuckin’ laid him out right there behind the van.

Andy Roy: He fucked him up with the griptape side. The dude did the fish! Crazy style!

Chris Pontius: So what happened?

Andy Roy: Karma got chased. We didn’t know where he was and Richard and Jesse were down the street fighting. Those guys thought I was the guy with the bottle, so they started chasing me. I ran to the van, and Doug was in there. “OPEN THE VAN!” I get in and they come rushing up while I’m trying to rig the van with these fucking wires you had to connect to start it, and the window is half down and they got bottles. I said, “Fuck that! I didn’t hit you with a bottle!” And then finally I got the van started, woOm! WOOM! and I whipped it around, and drove back to wehre Richard and Jesse were, and I said “GET THE FUCK IN!” Turned around again, and they were all out there with hockey sticks and shit! They had the whole street blocked! I said “fuck this! I’m gonna run the motherfuckers over!” I was all drunk. I just floored it, and I went after this one guy, and he jumped back, swung the hockey stick, and broke that window right there. We got out of there. We went down some side street and hid. Then all of a sudden, VOOM, VOOM, VOOM–all these cop cars flew past. The next day was our last demo, right? We didn’t even show up. We were scared. We couldn’t find Karma, or nothing.

Karma: I slept under a rig that night with no shirt. I had to walk like five hours to get downtown. It was fucked up.

Slap, 2008:
Richard Hart: How often was it that Andy Roy instigated all the problems?
Karma: Always. He just enjoyed fucking with people. One time we were in Salt Lake City. We skated some ramp and then these guys took us to this snowboarder party. Andy is standing over some guy who is sitting down, drizzling beer on this guy’s head, until he finally figures it out… and then Andy goes, “What? It was an accident! I’m druuuunk!” And then he would just do it again. Anyway, a fight broke out and we were in the middle of the living room; me, Richard and Andy, and the room is packed with these jock snowboarders. The whole party turned on us. Imagine being in a pit at a punk show, but the whole pit is surrounding you. It was really scary.

This guy is trying to rip my mouth open but somehow we managed to jam out the side door and run for the van. Andy was scrapping with these two big dudes and I just ran past them and broke a bottle over one of their heads and kept running. I looked back and there were 10 dudes coming towards us with hockey sticks, and I hid behind the back of the van and hit the first guy with a skateboard. I actually kept that board – it had an inch-by-inch patch of skin with hair on it. I gave it to Keenan and he was stoked on it.

But anyway, we’re fighting off all these dudes while piling into the van. The thing was, our van at the time, you had to touch the battery with a wire to get it started. Somebody had to be inside trying to start it while someone else is outside with this wire, jumping the battery… so Doug jumps out with this little wire, just waiting for someone to clock him from behind, somehow gets it started, jumps in, Richard and Jesse and AP were already in the van, but I hadn’t gotten in yet.

Andy is driving and he whips around and charges at these dudes and they smash a window with a hockey stick. Meanwhile, I’m being chased by these guys down the street. You know how in a movie there’ll be a chase scene with people jumping over fences from one backyard to the next? And a dog will chase you across the yard? Well, that happened to me. But I got to a grocery store and hid behind a garbage can. No shirt, full of adrenaline. And then there are cops everywhere, shining lights at all the houses. I’m jacked. Ended up walkking all the way into downtown, sleeping on the street, and called this local skater the next day at a pay phone to track the others down.

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4 Responses to “Two Sides”

  1. paulo Says:

    crazy

  2. Mike Says:

    And now the Cube sort of makes snowboard boots.

  3. john Says:

    fucking great post, 1 x 1 patch of human skin with hair on the board, gave it to keenan he was stoked. hahah

  4. pilot light Says:

    For the record, I think he was referring to Steve Keenan, one of Consolidated’s founders.

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