Rise Of The Machines

terminators

Several were astonished this week when Bob Burnquist’s helicopter burst onto the scene with a ‘high-octane’ MegaRampTM video part soundtracked to Creed. Performing a frontside boardslide on its heli-skis, a 720 over the gap and an ‘air’ on the MegaQuarterPipeTM, the chopper cruised the MegaStructureTM like a seasoned pro, albeit one prone to blowing the hats off any rival competitors unlucky enough to be caught on the deck without a chin-strap.

“The race for SOTY is suddenly wide open,” commented one of the few passersby whose mouth was not thrown slack in utter amazement. Nearby a dogeared Thrasher mag flapped ominously in the breeze.

The revelation of a ramp-ravaging helicopter was only beginning to sink in when troublesome questions began to emerge. Machines have yet to attain the needed sophistication to formulate long-winded, rambling and nonsensical blog posts. Yet in other ways their abilities seem boundless. Robots can drive cars, calculate gratuities and vacuum our rumpus rooms. Can it be long before an algorithm is designed that can achieve a perfect Nike Street League score*?

Truthfully skateboarding has not faced such a crisis of identity since Louie the Chimp bested pros and ams alike to capture the cover of Big Brother, only about a year after a Barcelonan dog gazumped Eric Koston out of last-part status in ‘Menikmati.’ While the dog inspired a score of Youtube imitators and some blame Louie’s brief celebrity for Ryan Sheckler’s ill-advised ‘chimp period’, the specter of skating’s takeover by unfeeling robotic overlords is considered by some to be a major league bummer.

Has this helicopter been machine-learning from Bob Burnquist, whose hands-free blizzard flipping, step-up tricks onto the MegaDeckTM and beauty of a backside tailslide are rumored to have pushed back the Plan B video another five years? Watching the two move in perfect sync when setting up for the midair MegaRailTM caveman and their above-coping doubles routine recalls the malicious internet rumors of Bob Burnquist’s alleged dabbling in cybernetics, surgically incorporating microscopic magnets into his feet to better grip his board on the MegaTM.

Is skating ready for a man-machine hybrid? Have Wade Speyer and his giant dump truck already blazed this particular trail in a more classically ’90s’ way? Are lucrative skate collabos with Daft Punk, Svedka vodka and Detroit’s crowd funded Robocop statue now inevitable?

*Note how an easy Nyjah Huston or Paul Rodriguez joke was avoided here.

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9 Responses to “Rise Of The Machines”

  1. mdspb Says:

    Shane O’Neill would also have worked.

  2. The Skateboarding Thread - Page 47 Says:

    […] the Ocean, never one to miss an opportunity for some cerebral skate blogging. Rise Of The Machines | boil the ocean BikeSnobNYC As Jesus always says, nothing gets you down hills faster than being fat and […]

  3. george Says:

    I think that if the Bob Burnquist part is being discussed, that ollie to fakie needs to be mentioned. Prominently, in bold or italic type if possible.

  4. Anonymous Says:

  5. Anonymous Says:

    Just give it to Danny Way again.

  6. robo_facepalm Says:

    ahem.
    http://www.highsnobiety.com/2010/05/25/alex-olson-x-spitfire-daftfire-wheels/

  7. simone templar Says:

    posthumanism ascendent in skateboard ‘culture’?

  8. Children Bow Hair Says:

    Hey i really loved your style. Thought the one thing ended up being really cool.

  9. kitchen and living room design ideas Says:

    Its an extremely involved as a type of active-love which pays dividends.

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