Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight

Blood to let

OK first off, I don’t have the Fallen video, so don’t leave comments asking for a PM, OK, thanks. I predict Gilbert Crockett will have the best part, Brian Hansen will have the bushiest beard and Josh Harmony will stick his butt out when he lands tricks. Perhaps Jamie Thomas will up the ante against TWS for dusty 70s road-trip rock, but that’s just rank speculation of the sort that brought down Lehman Brothers Holdings. And nobody wants that.

But sticking with the topic of rock and or roll: I ran across the above photo of Hank Williams III in the Billy Marks issue of Thrasher, and flipped past it several times in the ensuing week before I noticed that, of all his old Thrasher issues (which it’s pretty cool that he kept, I guess) he opts to feature a Gator cover, of all things. Now, I have no idea if Hank III, who makes no bones about his own self-destructive tendencies, is aware of the Rogowski saga on any level. (You’d think the born-again angle might turn him off, but he’s a red-stater by birth, so who knows.) It was just one of those things that gave me pause, like, is Hank III get deep and dark enough into skating that he’s saluting one of its more notorious (and not in a good way) characters? I kind of doubt it, but then I didn’t know he was down with Poison Idea either, so, hey.

(I’m not the planet’s hugest fan of Hank Williams III, but I very much like this song, which features a line about how his uncle was an alligator.)

Anyway, what made this worth posting about at all was this scary/gnarly/bizzaro interview with KoRn guitarist Brian “Head” Welch, regarded by some as rap/rock’s preeminent Pippi Longstocking traditionalist. I like to imagine reading this with chugging guitars and some goomba grunting in the background:

RY: What do you think was the most taxing thing you had to write about? What was the hardest for you to express and get it down on the paper?

Head: I’d say that part when me and my ex-wife, when she started messing around I think. She was lying to me, and I just lost it and I got a skateboard and I just beat her with it. I was just thinking about my daughter and my mom reading it, and I was like OH MAN. But I felt something in me saying put it in there, put it in there. Get it out, get it out of you, and it’s gonna help someone hearing about these intimate details, you know? It was hard though.

Interesting, no? Now, if Gator were dead I’d say we have in front of us a clear case of his spirit possessing rockers in an attempt to assault more women while pursuing his own twisted dreams of celeb glory. But he’s not, because if he were I’m sure I would have seen some awkward memorial in TWS by now. So either this is coincidence, or Gator is in league with Len, the tortured astral projectionist from the first Zero video… and none of us is safe.

To address this issue, I am going to try and make contact with the actor who portrayed the priest in the first Exorcist (the good one), who I hope will offer guidance. If Boil the Ocean does not post within 48 hours, I have failed, Gator and Len are doubtless in cahoots, and all is lost. Godspeed, dear reader.


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3 Responses to “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight”

  1. Kepner Says:

    I would go so far as to say Slash may have the best part, or at least in the top three. Dude hauls ass in precarious situations. And he has a bushy beard. But Gilbert’s is definitely top-notch.

  2. Jay Says:

    “Harmony will stick his butt out when he lands tricks” but you forgot Cole will stick his butt out before he does tricks.

  3. Watson Says:

    Man you write funny articles.

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