JR Returns

Sober mind power

I’m sure there were likelier candidates than Jereme Rogers to become the handrail version of Chris Gentry for the late aughts, but today, having awoken to the skateboard peanut gallery’s equivalent of Paris Hilton’s two-way getting cracked, I can’t imagine who those candidates might have been. It’s like the final piece of an amazing puzzle has fallen into place: former child star, copious amounts of ostentatious jewelry, sudden and fervent conversion to Christianity, neck tattoos, and now–of course!–rap music.

As a musician, “JR” is surprisingly distinct from Terry Kennedy, his partner in luxury goods appreciation and internet business ventures. Where TK’s rough-edged braggadocio centers on money, women and hitting people over the head with gun-butts, JR plays the role of the elder statesman, imparting the hard-learned lessons of street life which he knows so well. A quick overview of the JR songography as currently available:

“This the Type of Shit” f. Roc: JR’s breathy crooning masks disarmingly smooth disses, akin to Mary Poppins’ spoonful of sugar, and the vulgarity of the hook (handled here by JR himself) belies intricate conceptual thinking on the part of the former Transworld rookie of the year (see the “ten letters” bar). Following the trend recently popularized by Jay-Z, JR apparently does not write down his rhymes, but the instrumental harkens back to the easy-riding G-funk era.
Key line: “This is just step one.”
Rating: 5 neck tattoos

“Nobody Wanna Live Without” F. Eddie Rap Life: A more urgent number, driving and a touch bleak, JR gets deep speaking on the struggles of youth today. Growing up in the hood, a topic JR knows well, isn’t easy and he understands that often kids’ only outlet lies in flights of fancy: “Late night dreams of you and a gold rope, UHHH… how fresh you could look in that pea coat” “You could be the next Jay-Hov…” But JR warns against turning to a life of crime to accomplish these ends, imploring youngsters to instead “open up your bibles, put down your rifles.”
Key line: “Shoulda been content with the life you were used to.”
Rating: Four neck tattoos

“Keep the Faith” f. Renee Renee: JR, despite his deep devotion to Christ and providing a positive and sober urban role model for the kids, is no angel. He’s lived the fast life and still slips up now and then, evidenced by the “smoke trees” line. Yet it’s what one does with these mistakes–JR probably would call them opportunities–that determines the measure of a man, and JR is right up front with his humanity: “Make mistakes, shit that’s okay, me I musta made about 10 today/Just made another one, I just said shit, but I won’t say it again unless the track require.” Too Short-esque wordplay with “Heaven-sent flow”–JR’s just getting started. (Judging by Renee Renee’s wavering chorus, JR isn’t alone here.)
Key line: “Go for your dreams, believe in it, me I’m knee deep in it.”
Rating: Three neck tattoos

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9 Responses to “JR Returns”

  1. SB Says:

    You’re a bigger man than I to sit through and listen to all three of those awesome tracks. My ears started bleeding after the first one.

  2. Watson Says:

    Oh man, you’re write up is WAY better than mine. Although to be picky, I believe the line is:

    “I just said shit, but I won’t say it again unless the track require it.” He totally Too $horts the “it” in there.

    I think this is the best thing to ever happen to the worst part of skateboarding.

  3. cookie cutter Says:

    AWESOME!!! I never knew that Skateboarding had a perez hilton? this is amazing.are you overweight with pink highlights in your hair too? I guess music and christianity are the Britney and Paris in Skating.Keep up the good work SATAN. There will be lots of death metal and porn to write about in hell. CK

  4. Mo Says:

    Well. Its closer than ever gentleman. Skateboardings Death will arrive very shortly. Also fuck “JR”

  5. Watson Says:

    Your first hater! Amazing.

    Cooke Cutter, you rule! You make such good points. The threat of eternal damnation in a lake of fire is like so totally super crazy scary!

    Glad to know that JR will have someone lining up outside of the Chritians Parables store to pick up his new album when it drops! But then again, they may not carry it. He does say “shit” on it. But that’s okay. He makes mistakes. He must have made about 10 of them today.

  6. SB Says:

    I think that’s the second hater, Clyde Singleton was the first to call it “Perez Hilton-esque fokkery” or something along those lines (see comments on the e-beefs post).

    Whatever man, keep doing what you’re doing. It’s good stuff and if there is a hell I guess I’ll see you there.

  7. unknown mucher Says:

    please write for a skateboard mag

  8. Mike Says:

    Sometimes you just have to wile out.

  9. Watson Says:

    Holy fuck, see I read and commented on the E-Beef post, but on Blogger you get e-mails when people comment on a post you commented on. Not so on WordPress, so I didn’t go back and check the comments. Now I see where the Perez Hilton line came from. I was sort of wondering.

    Fuck, Clyde makes himself look like such a fucking loser in that comment. I used to be a huge fan of his, and even his writing in Big Brother, but he’s just too out of control now. Makes himself look like an ass. Yeah I get the shtick, “I’m black and I’m too ghetto to spell properly.” Fuck that shit. Think about how hard it would be to basically invent your own language and find a way to type it out every time you post anything.

    Anyway, that post made him look like such a fool. Trying to shit talk anyone’s blog, acting like his is some important stride in the history of the “written” word. Two thumbs down for Clyde. The novelty has worn of lonnnnnnnnng ago.

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