Being hated by the season
You Will Soon made a post the other day about how fall is great for skateboarding. Well, I beg to differ. I hate fall. Yeah yeah, I get all that shit about skating in hooded sweatshirts, crisp air, not sweating through your white T, powersliding through leaves and all that. Here’s the catch however: you can do all that same stuff in the springtime, and go home knowing that you have the whole summer ahead of you, whereas with fall, it’s liable to start pissing down cold November rain the next day, or better yet, a freak snowstorm that ends up being the first revolting kiss of winter.
Also sometimes when you powerslide through leaves you slip on some leaf-slime or a mystery rock and find yourself pitched to the pavement. At least in the summer it softens up a little.
Reasons why fall blows:
1. Winter lies ahead
This is the main one of course. YWS said this drives them to skate harder up in Canada, and while I guess I don’t have any room to complain geographically, I just get depressed thinking about months of skating crowded parks or cramped TFs or patches of frozen asphalt. And losing tricks.
2. Snot ropes
Watery eyes too. Or am I the only one this happens to? There’s nothing quite like manipulating your board and watching out of the corner of your vision mid-trick as a tendril of mucus lashes across your pants.
3. School starts
Or if you’re elderly like me you’ll enjoy reliving the fleeting sense of oppression at another two semesters’ worth of droning lectures and homework, even years after they’re over. I still have this terrible recurring dream of walking to school when I’m struck with the panicked realization that I’ve completely forgotten to go to one of my classes for months, and the final is today.
4. Fall smells
Burning leaves are cool, but the turkey and corn plants firing up are the worst.
5. Slamming hurts
This operates on a sliding scale according to how low the temperature gets. These days anything below 40 and I’m envisioning a Fully Flared Pappalardo intro scenario if I step off the ledge wrong. That’s about the time I settle back into the couch and cue up the Ipath promo again.
6. Skating in hooded sweatshirts actually sucks
The hood always curls off to one side and whaps me in the face if I don’t adjust it every minute or two. Hood up works sometimes, for a while, but I can’t even do earphones when it comes to head-body attachments.
7. September 11
Most of you probably remember that one. It fucked up Jay-Z’s record sales for a little while. Not cool at all.
8. It gets darker earlier
And if your spots don’t have lights you’re screwed.
9. Months and months until it warms up
As long as these past couple winters have been, it’s too distressing to even think about. No, the bears are onto something with this hibernation deal. If you’ll pardon me, I’m going to see about renting a cave, and gobble Big Montanas until my security deposit clears. Watch when I roll back the stone on Easter Sunday–if my shadow remains large enough that I think Jabari Pendleton is standing outside waiting to go skating with me, there will be six more weeks of winter, and I will require three new video games, with at least one being of the life-consuming role-playing variety. If I can’t see my breath and my winter fat has melted away to a reasonable extent, I’ll meet you at the local waxed-up parking block and possibly bitch about how it’s too hot already.