Do Not Attempt

Pure fantasy

There are days, my dudes, when the weather stays shitty, work blows, the devilish Steve Berra is advancing his evil silver thimble to erect a monopoly over the entire game board that is the skateboard industry, Danny Renaud remains injured and the drudgeries of daily life keep you from your beloved skateboard blog-space, well, these are dark times that try the hearts of men (or in this case, blog authors). Facing the winter months ahead, there is little solace to be had, whether in the arms of a snaggle-toothed lover or at the bottom of a bottle, but then you can stumble upon something like the above advertisement that convinces you life may be living for another day… if nothing else to see if the 2011 Mustang chases Bob Burnquist into the Mariana Trench, being towed by submarines and chased by giant squid haters.

We at Boil the ocean are trained economists who predict that this ad will see 2010 Mustangs flip outta car lots faster than you can say “Buick Lesabre parts auction” and single-handedly revive the ailing U.S. auto industry. But no ad exists in a vacuum, and the rest of this space will be devoted to three ads that no doubt influenced filmer/skateboarder/genius auteur Jeff Richter in his creation of the above masterpiece:

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16 Responses to “Do Not Attempt”

  1. OaklandPete Says:

    Gilette Fusion, eh? Didn’t see that one coming.

    It’s gonna be a long winter.

  2. Jeremy Says:

    “I’m Jeff Richter, and I’m a film maker who loves skateboarding.” “I would make the mustang do skateboard tricks. Wall grinds…Tail grinds…”

    Suuuuuuure you are

  3. Home - Caught in the Crossfire Says:

    […] Link of the Day: Boiled Eggs […]

  4. thecarbonite Says:

    the impreza eventually turned into what is now the WRX, right?
    shit is probably faster than that fuckin mustang, shit looks mad heavy. don’t even think it’s a 5.0. Mustangs that aren’t 5.0 are for girls.

  5. Zottli Says:

    Hmm, I never would have guessed Faraday knew so much about the tenets of punk rock music and sweet rides, but there you go. Do you think instead of a doom-spelling explosion at the bottom of that well, Juliet instead finds that answer to razor bumps some 30 odd years early? I don’t.

  6. Graham Says:

    I thought that was him!

  7. DamnDanMan Says:

    someone needs to tell the Mustang that the tokyo drift down the parking lot exit is an ABD

  8. Brad K. Says:

    Thank you for bringing this to my attention.

    And thank you Zottli for beating me to a Faraday joke.

  9. shvitz Says:

    ‘for those tricky places’…sorta like lappers.

  10. camelslame Says:

    The soundtrack was just mind blowing. I mean seriously, rap-rock about the GT? Mustang is out of touch with youth culture.

  11. art hellman Says:

    I concur with the Faraday reference

    was hoping to make some sort of bloody nose/headache/intense stare joke

  12. Captain planet Says:

    That mustang commercial was terrible and hard to watch. whoever made it is out of touch with “the kids”

  13. Watson Says:

    Holy fuck I thought I knew a lot about punk rock.

    Apparently I was incorrect.

    That commercial is mind blowing.

  14. Rocuronium Says:


    May I humbly offer some constructive, adoring, criticism?

    Although I’m always greedily yearning for a new BTO post, I’m always disappointed when it from the “Skateboarding Sucks” series, like the above, Berra’s megalomania, Jereme Rodgers’ delusions, etc…
    Reason being the strength of the other series: the history of skate videos and the styles, tricks, and riders they document. I’m always blown away by the archival knowledge, the depth of insights, and cleverness of connections.

    Both series, of course, showcase your great writing. But set against the video commentaries, the “skateboarding sucks” posts make a predictable, repetitive, one-note, point. (Unless you work in something like the Confederacy of Dunces).

  15. pilot light Says:

    What? that commercial made me laugh til I cried

  16. Zottli Says:

    Rocuron with a blatant attempt at pot-stirring, blog-comment-page-name-making. C’mon man, the “skateboarding sucks” series (which I would label the “Beautiful Boneheads” series) of posts offers just as much of a valuable insight into sk8boarding culture and its vast ephemera as any skate history analysis does, and with more pee-pantsingly funny moments at every turn.

    But what do I know.

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