AWS Giveaway Spotlights The Human Toll Of Mystery’s Old B&W Ad Campaign

Australian journeyman Dennis Durrant recently made blog-waves upon disclosing that he had jumped the Mystery ship for Skate Mental in part because the Kiss-inspired, baggier-pantsed Zero offshoot had ceased to pay him for a number of reasons. No bad blood, but the takeaway was something like “it’s tough all over, kid.”

As the market continues to mull just how many professionals and unpaid amateurs it can and will support this year, a sorrier story still plays out just beyond the edges of the car lots where luxury autos are sitting un-leased. Midwestern company Alien Workshop has affixed the stiff upper lip and gone ahead and announced a giveaway opportunity that reveals how tragedy has befallen new teamrider Gilbert Crockett. The one-size-only swag on offer is a drab spectrum of grays, blacks and whites, the only Crayolas that Crockett can pull out of the carton first try, his hollowed-out eyeballs the sad result of years spent under Mystery’s distinctive black and white colour scheme. Alien’s recent and radical attempt at “splicing his life” to correct his colourblindedness has failed even despite the rapid manual hops, channel kickflip and much-anticipated and much awesome footage of the bench/steps jump.

Mystery’s Color Theory may have come too late to save Crockett’s sense of sight and post-board career he confronts a difficult job market that will not allow him to pilot fighter planes, design interior home spaces or correctly assemble Christmas tree light strings, leaving few choices. For inspiration he may turn to the story of Moses Itkonen, whose eyes were similarly seared by DC’s 1990s black-white-and-helvetica campaign but reinvented himself as a Canadian clothing company magnate by hiring an intern to wield a red marker.

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10 Responses to “AWS Giveaway Spotlights The Human Toll Of Mystery’s Old B&W Ad Campaign”

  1. Joshua Ballew Says:

    With Ishod having just turned pro, I find it hard to believe that other well deserving amateurs (Crockett included) will not be rewarded with professional status and the heaps of customized swag that comes with such a title.

  2. t.a. Says:

    North Carolina? What am I missing? Crockett is from VA. There’s a difference.

  3. mick moss Says:

    i thought this was a skateboard blog? not the keyboard bile of a failed creative writing MFA student

  4. A Tribe Called Incest Says:

    I thought this was a skateboard blog comment thread? Not the keyboard bile of an aggravated mick moss.

  5. SiSePuede Says:

    it’s funny, you seem to be bashed by the same hater each post. i say to you ‘mick moss’ – go elsewhere.

  6. art hellman Says:

    If this was 1999, 411 would have run some form of wheels of fortune video article with Gilbert Crockett skating in hunting gear and chasing a bear a la his ancestor Davey Crockett…

    remember back when we (skateboarders) took ourselves less seriously?

    • Joshua Ballew Says:

      The time when skateboarding was purely about having fun is a fond and fading memory.

      • RMD Says:

        Yeah these days I just don’t have as much fun skating as I did ten years ago and I think Gilbert Crockett is partially to blame.

      • art hellman Says:

        Gordie: Fuck writing, I don’t want to be a writer. It’s stupid. It’s a stupid waste of time.

        Chris: That’s your dad talking.

        Gordie: Bullshit.

        Chris: Bull true.

        Chris: I know how your dad feels about you. He doesn’t give a shit about you. Denny was the one. He cared about and don’t try to tell me different. You’re just a kid, Gordie.

        Gordie: Oh, gee! Thanks, Dad.

        Chris: Wish the hell I was your dad. You wouldn’t be goin’ around talkin’ about takin’ these stupid shop courses if I was. It’s like God gave you something, man, all those stories you can make up. And He said, “This is what we got for ya, kid. Try not to lose it.” Kids lose everything unless there’s someone there to look out for them. And if your parents are too fucked up to do it, then maybe I should.

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