Archive for August, 2013

Can Somebody Please Link Up The Most Recent Footage Of Tom Penny Because I Have Reason To Fear He May Have Been Killed As Part Of A Sacrificial Weed-Smoking Ritual

August 29, 2013

howhi

Appealing to deities and cosmic powers generally is nothing new for would-be comer uppers in the skate game, and dabbling in the occult originally became passe when Neil Blender declared skulls and the 1990s to be the stylistic equivalent of oil and water. While none of this has prevented today’s yung ams from attempting to one-up the next man by partaking in Satanic tattooing or observing blasphemous abrupt-transitional rites, troubling new evidence has emerged that points to a bizarre and horrific Cheech & Chong-meets-Burzum scenario that may have claimed the life of English easy-goer Tom Penny.

This recent raw footage of onetime Flipper Eric Fletcher on first viewing pleases in all the typical Tom Penny ways — a series of lazy tricks rifled off into a treacherous embankment, lackadaisical shove-its and 180s out of things, a switch frontside tailslide on a rail. Eric Fletcher shares with Tom Penny a certain kind of hermitic lean but this footage is more than a little frightening because the pleasant stylings distract from the only logical scenario, which is that Tom Penny has been slain and cremated so that his ashes can fertilize a rogue cannabis plant that bears drugs which, when smoked, imbue the damnable toker with Tom Penny’s knowledge and powers. At the time of this blogging Eric Fletcher is believed to be on the loose and armed with a psychic bong that owns mystical powers and a rap CD.

Five Instances That Demonstrate Why Mikey Taylor Is/Was Great On Alien Workshop Yall

August 24, 2013

kareem_obama

Sometimes it is the unlikeliest of dudes who ignite controversies, and so it was that digital rumorings last week of Mikey ‘Mike’ Taylor’s potential exit from the Alien Workshop roster sent forth such as outpouring of nerve-bending jubilation and pent-up bile as to recall the declaration of celebrated armistices and the sacking of Professor Dolores Umbridge, so many centuries ago.

Does Mikey Taylor deserve such fearsome condemnation? That’s for industry tribunals to decide, but dogs and cats alike are agreed that his back-door entry to AWS via the untimely folding of the pre-MTV Rob Dyrdek vanity label Seek left this shaggy-haired student of the Socal schoolyard an increasingly odd man out as flavors and kindling skewed toward cigarettes, flood pants and mounting handrails from behind. A more recent embrace of tailored cords and Dinosaur Jr aside, the question of whether a dude whose keyword search for years included the words ‘nollie crooks’ ever merited a Mike Hill graphic will go on, but there are a handful of easily accessible arguments in favor of Mikey Taylor’s bag running a bit deeper and woollier than he’s otherwise given credit for.

Switch ollie, ‘Street Cinema’
The switch ollie occupies an odd space in the great and foggy hierarchy of tricks, not particularly technically difficult but also generally not thrown down the most thunderous of gaps where a regular-footed one is safer and probably about as impressive. Sometimes they look ugly, more often it seems they’re not bothered with at all, so it’s interesting and maybe telling when someone takes the time to film one. This is a good one, under the tutelage of that denim-clad Svengali Kareem Campbell and at the end of a still-respectable line.

Switch feeble grind 180 out, ‘Mind Field’
This was an example of one of those tricks where the footage was real good but the angle of the photo, replete with cast and which looked like it could’ve advertised Contracts in the Es heyday, was even better. The switch feeble grind is one that gathers power the deeper its dip, and this one was in there, with a quick, smooth frontside 180 out well in advance of the newspaper box.

Line that ends with the switch backside noseblunt, ‘A Time To Shine’
The switch backside noseblunt is top-drawer technical and not one you’d necessarily expect from a dude who came up doing several nollie frontside boardslides and the odd salad grind, but Mikey Taylor was cranking them out on the regular for a large chunk of the prior decade. Schoolyards and wife-beaters with newly Nike-rich Paul Rodriguez and pre-Casanova Jereme Rogers seems more Mikey Taylor’s element, but the cocktail of bluntslide tricks here would suit most any self-respecting video section.

Line with frontside bluntslide and switch frontside bluntslide, ‘411 #63/Mikey issue’
Squarely amid Mikey Taylor’s Jay-Z phase, and they weren’t just handing out 411 features to anybody, so things were clicking for him. Stringing together lines with the same trick regular and switch isn’t and wasn’t a new idea but the frontside bluntslide is a hard one, and then he reaches for bonus points. Schoolyard again.

Frontside shove-it frontside crooked grind, ‘Skate More’
When PJ Ladd came he forced everybody to think a little harder about what they were doing with all the ledges, and a few years later Mikey Taylor got off a good one with what otherwise might be a curious ender for what a lot of folks still regard as his best part, though ditching Jay-Z for some second-tier Britpop was in retrospect an ominous indicator. This is a trick that still isn’t seen very often.

Any Major Dude With Half A Heart Surely Will Tell You My Friend

August 5, 2013

nick_marino

On the last tour we went to a school at night but the fence was way too high to get the lights and generator over it. Even after we explained this to Nick he jumped the fence and went in and skated for an hour by himself while we all waited in the van. when he came back we asked him, “Why were you in there so long? We can just come back tomorrow during the day,” to which he replied, “Why? How is it going to be any easier to get the generator over the fence in the day?” I tried to explain to him why we wouldn’t need the generator when the sun was out, but he looked at me like I was speaking Chinese.
-Slap messageboard member and Foundation TM Mike Sinclair on the exploits of independent contractor Nick Merlino, from the current Tum Yeto-flavored Thrasher.

Rise Of The Machines

August 1, 2013

terminators

Several were astonished this week when Bob Burnquist’s helicopter burst onto the scene with a ‘high-octane’ MegaRampTM video part soundtracked to Creed. Performing a frontside boardslide on its heli-skis, a 720 over the gap and an ‘air’ on the MegaQuarterPipeTM, the chopper cruised the MegaStructureTM like a seasoned pro, albeit one prone to blowing the hats off any rival competitors unlucky enough to be caught on the deck without a chin-strap.

“The race for SOTY is suddenly wide open,” commented one of the few passersby whose mouth was not thrown slack in utter amazement. Nearby a dogeared Thrasher mag flapped ominously in the breeze.

The revelation of a ramp-ravaging helicopter was only beginning to sink in when troublesome questions began to emerge. Machines have yet to attain the needed sophistication to formulate long-winded, rambling and nonsensical blog posts. Yet in other ways their abilities seem boundless. Robots can drive cars, calculate gratuities and vacuum our rumpus rooms. Can it be long before an algorithm is designed that can achieve a perfect Nike Street League score*?

Truthfully skateboarding has not faced such a crisis of identity since Louie the Chimp bested pros and ams alike to capture the cover of Big Brother, only about a year after a Barcelonan dog gazumped Eric Koston out of last-part status in ‘Menikmati.’ While the dog inspired a score of Youtube imitators and some blame Louie’s brief celebrity for Ryan Sheckler’s ill-advised ‘chimp period’, the specter of skating’s takeover by unfeeling robotic overlords is considered by some to be a major league bummer.

Has this helicopter been machine-learning from Bob Burnquist, whose hands-free blizzard flipping, step-up tricks onto the MegaDeckTM and beauty of a backside tailslide are rumored to have pushed back the Plan B video another five years? Watching the two move in perfect sync when setting up for the midair MegaRailTM caveman and their above-coping doubles routine recalls the malicious internet rumors of Bob Burnquist’s alleged dabbling in cybernetics, surgically incorporating microscopic magnets into his feet to better grip his board on the MegaTM.

Is skating ready for a man-machine hybrid? Have Wade Speyer and his giant dump truck already blazed this particular trail in a more classically ’90s’ way? Are lucrative skate collabos with Daft Punk, Svedka vodka and Detroit’s crowd funded Robocop statue now inevitable?

*Note how an easy Nyjah Huston or Paul Rodriguez joke was avoided here.