Posts Tagged ‘Frank Gerwer’

Summertime Mixtape Vol. 7 — Frank Gerwer, ‘Cash Money Vagrant’

July 8, 2019

One hesitates to call any particular Frank Gerwer video part, or photo, or activity the definitive height of his powers, since such a statement presumes full knowledge of his powers in the first place, several of which have yet to be discovered and named by leading planytologists. All that being said, Frank Gerwer’s ‘Cash Money Vagrant’ part captures Six Newell’s most-benosed rogue at the height of his powers, freshly installed as Anti-Hero’s frontside crooker in chief, still much the yung chomper that kickflipped Wallenberg, here making early notches on Bay Area landmarks like Clipper and that one rail with the gap out in Oakland. His chain-link tailslide to postcard-worthy hill bomb in 2019 is looking like a cigar-chewing, nattily dressed grandpa to today’s screaming GX generation.

Bus to Beelzebub

January 7, 2009


It was smelling like a locker room, there was junk all over the floor/We’re already packed in like sardines, but we’re stopping to pick up more – look out

Despite what my mellow demeanor and musky odor may lead you to believe, I was not a part of the Love Generation, though I do consider myself an old soul and a friend to all animals (excepting the toucan for reasons of my own). For this reason I, like many skateboarders, missed out on seminal 60s experiences such as grooving, turning on, or tripping on the magic bus. Indeed my earliest memories of buses tended to be filled with dread and foreboding, as I associated them with school and the untimely deaths of (analog) guitar heroes.

All that changed of course in the late 1990s when a storm rolled into town. You know the one I’m talking about:

Yes, Osiris’s “Aftermath” tour reinvented the very concept of the skateboard demo tour complete with swishy pants, hip-hop DJs and Josh Kasper. This was an era of excess fueled by multifaceted ledge combo tricks and shoes that incorporated untold bucketfuls of technology to protect the tootsies of Peter Smolik and Brandon Turner as they playfully pelted one another with paintballs. But really it’s pointless for me to try and describe it when New Jershian Chris Nieratko lived it:

I was blue collar, used to touring in cars and small vans, paying for my own meals, smelling of someone else’s ass and being forced to read and reread magazines and books over and over to pass the time on long stretches of road. Suddenly I’m on a tour bus complete with 12 bunk beds, two large-screen TVs, Playstation 2, stocked refrigerator, cable TV, SVD and VHS players and anything else one would need to take on the American highways and feel like king of the world. It was like culture shock. I didn’t know which movie or video game to play first, I wanted to sleep in all the bunks at the same time, I wanted to take advantage of the occasional free meals by ordering everything on the menu.

Flash forward the better part of a decade, and tour bus glory is a thing of the past for those without luxurious Bagel Bites endorsements. And while Osiris continues to defy the odds and stay very much in business, it fell to Circa’s unlikely “Combat” subsidiary to revitalize the tour bus concept for the late aughts. David Broach details in this month’s Thrasher how a former schoolbus was transformed by way of white spray paint and a certain amount of elbow grease, but only after discarding an ambitious scheme to airbrush the vehicle with “a chick with like a big laser, like protecting it”:

We loaded the bus with the essentials before we hit the highway. The first upgrade was a new stereo system: four big speakers mounted in the back. Normal van seats were welded down in a U shape around the back of the bus, and a cooler was purchased to sit in the middle so you could put your feet up and have a drink. Cup holders were taped by every seat and lighters were superglued in every corner. The lighters were all attached to retractable strings – you could pull them down to light whatever needed and then, when let go, they’d snap back into their resting position. Portable ashtrays fit in the cup holders, and magnetic bottle openers were always stuck to the inside in the event you couldn’t open your beverage with the lighters.

A small trash can was installed (wedged) in the front, as well as a couple of clips in the back that held a mop and a broom.* The van came with two small fans in the back for airflow, plus one on the roof that sucked air out. It really felt like you were rolling around in your living room.

Of course similar to the “Beauty and the Beast” situation the Combat bus (dubbed “White Lightning” at one point) eventually succumbs to the power-suckage of various BlackBerries and Blueberries and other nefarious vine-growing fruits, and Broach leaves it unclear as to whether or not it will eventually ride again. But the article does wrap up with a pretty entertaining story of Frank Gerwer overindulging on Britney Spears and evading Johnny Law all at the same time, which is a happy ending for everybody except the other two guys who went to jail.

*Assuming he meant to type “mug” and “bong”

I’m Alright

November 15, 2008

A Boil the Ocean breakdown of the Eric Koston Celebrity Charity Golf Tournament.

Exalt the new god

July 11, 2008


The Real World

So while the rest of us were BBQing and firecrackering and generally getting our Fourth of July on, and DNA was counting their snowboard cash and not updating their goddam video sites, Deluxe debuted DLX-TV with a slew of clips, old and new. Which is good news for this noble country and the planet in general, seeing’s how there really is not enough footage of Peter Ramondetta lately, or Frank Gerwer ever. Highlights are the 3rd & Army session, the Civic Center ledge session and Jake Donnelly in general (his day in the life kinda drags though). Also the mighty Mark Appleyard’s Thunder commercial, which pleases my eye nearly as much as those one type of fireworks that explode, and then the tracers start going all wonky at crazy angles. Hopefully Bob can hurry up and land his next kickflip into the Amazon rainforest or whatever for the Flip video, so we can skip past it to that two-song part Appleyard supposedly has in the can already.

As a bonus, since I’m still flush with national pride, here’s a link to Ramondetta’s sadly underappreciated part in the ill-fated C1RCA vid. Here comes the cheap shot: It’s Time… to think of a better name for the next video, guys.