Posts Tagged ‘Life Extention’

Can Somebody Please Link Up The Most Recent Footage Of Tom Penny Because I Have Reason To Fear He May Have Been Killed As Part Of A Sacrificial Weed-Smoking Ritual

August 29, 2013

howhi

Appealing to deities and cosmic powers generally is nothing new for would-be comer uppers in the skate game, and dabbling in the occult originally became passe when Neil Blender declared skulls and the 1990s to be the stylistic equivalent of oil and water. While none of this has prevented today’s yung ams from attempting to one-up the next man by partaking in Satanic tattooing or observing blasphemous abrupt-transitional rites, troubling new evidence has emerged that points to a bizarre and horrific Cheech & Chong-meets-Burzum scenario that may have claimed the life of English easy-goer Tom Penny.

This recent raw footage of onetime Flipper Eric Fletcher on first viewing pleases in all the typical Tom Penny ways — a series of lazy tricks rifled off into a treacherous embankment, lackadaisical shove-its and 180s out of things, a switch frontside tailslide on a rail. Eric Fletcher shares with Tom Penny a certain kind of hermitic lean but this footage is more than a little frightening because the pleasant stylings distract from the only logical scenario, which is that Tom Penny has been slain and cremated so that his ashes can fertilize a rogue cannabis plant that bears drugs which, when smoked, imbue the damnable toker with Tom Penny’s knowledge and powers. At the time of this blogging Eric Fletcher is believed to be on the loose and armed with a psychic bong that owns mystical powers and a rap CD.

How Many Months Do Yall Give Nick Trapasso’s Company With The Misspelled Name?

February 21, 2012

Probably it’s yet another sign that I’m getting older and higher strung and less cool with kids on the proverbial lawn that I look at the newly launched Life Extention Skateboard Group LLC and wonder not so much at its lifespan as much as the fact that it came together in the first place — when bros ten years older than I no doubt mumbled and grumbled the same thing about a decade back, around the unsteady unveiling of Baker. Say what you will about the various and sundry looks pursued by Jim Greco in the years since, but the Baker Bootleg boys bottled and guzzled the lightning of a very particular aesthetic that proved a lot longer-lived than even I would’ve thought, and I was a fan, although it seems like their vices/demons have plumbed greater depths than than this foglit new guard.

I’m not sure what they got together for the trade show, but they did approve a canned quote for a press release last month:
“The Life Extention Skateboard Group looks forward to working together with Blitz, to create an essential skateboard brand. Extend it,” said Trapasso.

As a card-carrying fan of the recently rejailed Lennie Kirk and respecter of risk-taking, I am compelled to acknowledge sheer balls, and the life-extenters look to be packing church bells — spearheaded by one of the industry’s spaciest cadets, sporting a misspelled name*, co-signed by malcontent recluse J Strickland, formed in the middle of an economic slow patch that’s steadily separating the old and infirm from the pack. Not that I’d begrudge the existence of a Tom Cruise-inspired company backed by some of the finer fuckups to fumble a tattoo gun in recent years, with the laid-back gumption to make good on the vow to deal decks out of their garage. If anything more of these kinds of shots oughtta be taken, even if the target’s invisible through a cloud of smoke and barrier of beer cans, to balance out the Business Plans For Dummies 2nd Edition strategizing and and paint-by-number logo decks pumped out each season. And what if they do blow it? Those early Big Brothers command classic status, and it was all those dudes could do to get issues out every couple months back then.

*I don’t believe that shit that they did it on purpose