Posts Tagged ‘R Kelly’

Beast of Both Worlds

October 21, 2008


The Which Beer Project

Like Guns’n’Roses and Metallica, peanut butter and chocolate, Hall & Oates, some combos seem predestined somehow – bear witness to Girl and Anti-Hero’s “Beauty and the Beast” tour, already inked into the annals of legendary road trips, and the video the best tour documentary to come along since probably “Harsh Euro Barge.” It’s no “Barbarians At the Gate” or “Shit” but I’d definitely rate it above the bloated “Super Champion Fun Zone,” and let’s be honest, in the late 00’s, making a tour video that’s worth watching more than once is no mean feat. Even O’Dell and his all-seeing VX1000 didn’t clear that bar with last year’s “Wild Ride” doc.

The 10 Beast Moments:
10. McCrank’s Miller flip subtitle – he skates for Girl, remember?
9. Gerwer no-handed climbing the ladder / Koston crapping out on the boat
8. Jack Rebney Beast edit cameo
7. Trujillo’s hardflip – Scarface sidewalk gap soundtrack
6. Wizard staffs – on track to become as ubiquitous as Half-Cabs, or played out like Leo Romero’s black eye game?
5. BA’s pants sag – Gerwer’s AH sombrero
4. Malto’s nosegrind pop-out – Peabody gap to b/s smith grind
3. Julien Stranger nollie noseblunt – Alex Olson brick nosegrind
2. John Cardiel – backside 50/50
1. Mike Carroll, Japan air – very possibly the best trick caught on film this year:

E for effort

July 15, 2008


You know how we do

First off I want to preface all this shit by saying I got a 30 on my ACT test back in high school. Which is a roundabout way of trying to convince myself that I’m not a total idiot because I flunked the Girl quiz in the new Wallride catalogue that went up the other day (page 5). Pretty rough. You’d think having skated for longer than Sean Malto has been a living organism would maybe give you a leg up, but you’d be wrong, at least in my own sad case. I bet the police informer guy aced it. At least I got the one about Schnurr.

In my defense, I did assume that I was dealing with some trick questions, like the one that referred to Canada as a “great country.”

Anyway, with my mind freshly quizzed up, I clicked through to the Chocolate section to count how many sympathy vote boards Gino and Castillo got this time around, where the “license plate” series caught my eye. Not so much for the graphics, which are fine and all, but more for the quizzing potential. So without the benefit of the dimensions and the states, Boil the Ocean hereby challenges you, the boily reader, to match the vanity plate with the Chocolate pro. Simply draw a line from the slogan to the pro’s name on your computer screen with a fragrant black marker.

RDN GRN ????????????????????????????? Chris Roberts
SOTY 07 ????????????????????????????? Anthony Pappalardo
HRD2FND ????????????????????????????? Marc Johnson
NICA SON ???????????????????????????? Justin Eldridge
CHOCOL8 ????????????????????????????? Kenny Anderson
ON2WHLZ ????????????????????????????? Devine Calloway
420 247 ??????????????????????????????? Chico Brenes

(The answers can be found on page 26 of the Wallride pdf, which you should check out anyway because the generally amazing Skate Mental has a really great shirt commemorating R. Kelly’s freedom and his love for sharing urine.)

Boil the Ocean: Kels got off edition

June 14, 2008


Try to charge me but I’m not guilty

Parents, lock up your daughters: Seven and a half hours was all it took for 10 angry R&B fans to shake off a couple haters and clear the Pied Piper of R&B on all counts today in his child pornography case. Not that, you know, he isn’t obviously guilty, or this has anything at all to do with skateboarding or whatever, but shit. The dude made “Bump N Grind.” And the “Ignition” remix. And, uh, married Aaliyah when she was 15.

But I truly feel if anybody out there in skating is backing Kels on this, aside from Brian Patch, it would be SAD. A smooth beast way ahead of his time, I get the feeling that SAD’s disdain for the man is surpassed only by his quiet storm-style love for the ladies. Except you know, they’re not 12. And I’d also like to think that Robert Kelly might curl his lip, bite his cigar and nod appreciatively at the switch b/s 180 nosegrind (1:24).

Bonus footage