Posts Tagged ‘rituals’

Can Somebody Please Link Up The Most Recent Footage Of Tom Penny Because I Have Reason To Fear He May Have Been Killed As Part Of A Sacrificial Weed-Smoking Ritual

August 29, 2013

howhi

Appealing to deities and cosmic powers generally is nothing new for would-be comer uppers in the skate game, and dabbling in the occult originally became passe when Neil Blender declared skulls and the 1990s to be the stylistic equivalent of oil and water. While none of this has prevented today’s yung ams from attempting to one-up the next man by partaking in Satanic tattooing or observing blasphemous abrupt-transitional rites, troubling new evidence has emerged that points to a bizarre and horrific Cheech & Chong-meets-Burzum scenario that may have claimed the life of English easy-goer Tom Penny.

This recent raw footage of onetime Flipper Eric Fletcher on first viewing pleases in all the typical Tom Penny ways — a series of lazy tricks rifled off into a treacherous embankment, lackadaisical shove-its and 180s out of things, a switch frontside tailslide on a rail. Eric Fletcher shares with Tom Penny a certain kind of hermitic lean but this footage is more than a little frightening because the pleasant stylings distract from the only logical scenario, which is that Tom Penny has been slain and cremated so that his ashes can fertilize a rogue cannabis plant that bears drugs which, when smoked, imbue the damnable toker with Tom Penny’s knowledge and powers. At the time of this blogging Eric Fletcher is believed to be on the loose and armed with a psychic bong that owns mystical powers and a rap CD.