Posts Tagged ‘Ursa Minor Beta’

Tim And Eric Are The Skate Mentalists

August 27, 2012

It has been some years since a hardgoods enterprise that shall not be named ventured to adopt the slogan, “when you are tired of skateboarding, you are tired of life,” a declaration that was seen directly spurring a threefold increase in the Los Angeles County suicide rate virtually overnight. Preceding this was another ill-conceived think-tank that imploded after an all-night pressure cooker of a branding session failed to birth a wood-pushing version of “the brain is the largest erogenous zone,” hampered in part by a rogue cookie that kept Google permanently stuck in moderate safe search mode. Empires have risen and fallen and the courage of our landed gentry has been called into question, but them Southern boys running Roger Skateboards seem committed to holding it down.

Roger employees Tim and Eric are proficient in sleight of thought and trickery of the body. They remember the names of the forgotten gods and are affiliated with the shadowy international league known as the League of Shadows. I heard a rumor on a bulletin board one time that Tim and Eric brought their skateboards to a crossroads near Racine at midnight to strike a bargain with the devil, promising their eternal souls in return for telepathic control over certain parthenocarpic fruits. They ride multicoloured wheels due to a belief that these imbue sexual powers.

Our country celebrates freedom, including the freedom to put one’s hands, feet, noggin or tookus on the ground when completing a trick for film or bonus points. What’s true is that in the twelve years since NC Clothing left its immortal mark on the culture in the form of the “Tilt Mode” vid, any number of individuals residing in Denver and points beyond have attempted their own variations on the theme, but solely the Wisco-oriented Beez organization has left the same angry red weals by reimagining the act of skateboarding by way of an eight-bit acid trip turnt up to 11. There are footplants in this video section that I have not dreamt of, which doesn’t mean a lot, but a surreal turn comes around 0:40 and things become only more disorienting as decks and entire boards begin to appear out of nowhere, extending combos that old-schoolers dared not speak of for fear of stirring powers more ancient and blasphemous than those now known.

After watching this video, do you believe that Tim and Eric embody ‘traditional skate values?’ Did Eric refuse to disrobe for the Slip-n-Slide clip for fear of revealing embarrassing tribal tattoos? Is incorporating cars into tricks ‘baller status’? Does incorporating humans into tricks require waivers and strict adherence to federal OSHA regulations? Should ‘ghostriding the whip’ be restricted to officially sanctioned sideshows?