Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

The Bigspin Sleep

January 22, 2023

Scene opens in a musty office; it’s dimly lit, the only light streaming in from the frosted windowpanes, and now the door, which creaks open to admit DAVE. Across the office sits BOB, behind his desk in the shadows, smoking a cigar. BOB motions for DAVE to take a seat, and he does. There is a pause as BOB sucks on his cigar.

BOB: ‘She’s Cheating.’

BOB spreads a handful of polaroids across the desk and gestures to DAVE to examine them. DAVE does, and begins shaking his head, clearly agitated. His face, when he looks up again at BOB, is a mixture of shock and anger. Briefly we can see ETHYL in a photo, with another man, his face obscured by a hat. BOB, calm, puffs again on his cigar.

BOB: ‘You Deserve It.’ (He fixes DAVE with a cold glare.) ‘You Changed. Don’t Ask Me When.

BOB slides another set of Polaroids across the desk; briefly, DAVE is seen with several different women. These further agitate DAVE; BOB next passes a set of papers, which look like bank statements and receipts. DAVE begins to leaf through them, then looks up.

DAVE: ‘OK Then.’

DAVE stands and, returning BOB’s icy stare, reaches into his jacket pocket; it’s implied he is going for a weapon. BOB pushes back his chair, revealing that he already has a pistol drawn — and it’s pointed at DAVE. 

BOB: ‘Play Dead.’

DAVE looks at BOB, looks at the pistol. BOB cocks it, and DAVE hurriedly drops to the floor.

DAVE: (muffled, his face to the floor) ‘I Just Took A Bite Of Dirt.’

BOB: (gesturing with the pistol toward the door) ‘Mind How You Go.’

DAVE: (still on the floor, cowering, eyes fixed on the pistol in BOB’s hand) ‘Easier Said Than Done.’

BOB, in one motion, holsters the pistol, steps around the desk, and reaches down to grab DAVE by the collar, then hoists him up and shoves him toward the door.

DAVE: ‘OK, We’re Leaving.’ (He stumbles, steadies himself on the doorjamb, and sneers at BOB) ‘Thank You For Your Patience.’

We see BOB now has the pistol in his hand again. He half-raises it in DAVE’s direction.

BOB: ‘Then Again…’

DAVE: (Seething) ‘See You Later.’ 

DAVE half-slams the door; we can hear his footsteps trailing away down the hall. BOB replaces the pistol in his shoulder holster and, eyes still on the door, puffs his cigar. Behind him, the closet door slowly opens, and ETHYL steps out — confidently. She strides to BOB’s side, slides an arm around his waist, kisses him on the cheek, plucks the cigar from his fingers and takes a puff.

ETHYL: ‘Good Riddance.’

The office lights go out. A moment later, the office is empty, and we see HORACE, the custodian, emptying the trash can beside BOB’s desk. Pouring its contents into the bin on his cart, we can see HORACE glancing at hotel receipts, airline tickets, and finally, a half-crumpled photo of BOB and ETHYL, embracing on a beach. HORACE shakes his head and tosses it with the rest of the garbage.

HORACE: ‘Sounds Like You Guys Are Crushing It.’

We watch HORACE push his cart out of the office and close the door; the last thing the audience sees as the lights go out are the words printed across the glass: “Bob’s Detective Agency.”

Screenplay by Harry Bergenfield, Pontus Alv, Federico Hazama, Tactics, Bill Strobeck, Drake Johnson, Joshua Simpson, Harald Reynolds, Jeff Cecere, Bye Jeremy, Logan Lara, Neema Joorabchi, Steve Mastorelli, Vincent Milou, Alltimers. NOTE: All proceeds from this production will go toward replenishing the reservoir of one-word skate video titles.

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January 1, 2023

10 more

-Shintaro and Masaki Hongo, DC part – potent package deal via Japan
-Remy Taveira, ‘MÖNITOR’ – surveillance state noseblunt slides
-Dick Rizzo, Vans Green Half Cab – sometimes formulas work
-Shawn Powers, ’SP Underground’ – cruisy part from SP that could slot into ‘Peep This’
-Tom Snape, ‘Sour Solution 3’ – making the Universitat grate into a measuring-stick spot
-Jake Johnson, ’Right Here For Pablo’ – duh
-Kevin ‘Spanky’ Long, ‘Horses’ – deep into his second act, heavily contending for back-to-back slappies of the year
-Jamal Smith, ‘Adimatic’ – quick check-in with the reigning heavyweight champion of the universe, also featuring a frontside bigspin pivot to fakie
-Chris Milic, ‘Alv’s Angels’ – Hjalte Halberg: “Pontus loves Frog”
-Tristan Funkhouser, ’Baker Video with Tyson and T Funk’ – buy the ticket, take the ride

1. Vince Guzaldo – ‘Immortality Research’

December 31, 2022

In this glad and girthy time of dad tricks, policing infractions, parsing which rules that still remain and tallying the expanding exceptions, there is a measure of comfort to be found with Vince Guzaldo, among the vanguard bearers of the current Chicago renaissance, who this year brought forth multiple video parts’ worth of impeccable trick and spot choices. In Tommy O’Mara’s ’Immortality Research’ he applies knife’s edge tech to downtown Chicago spots with aesthetics on par with your favorite Philly or New York inner-cityscapes, and roves more broadly across the greater ‘Grains’ and ‘Grand Prairie’ regions. He really works the frontside noseslide, going way deeper than the nollie heelflip out varietal that’s become commonplace in the last few years, and seems to have unlocked the pop shove-it to backside ledge trick, like on the AZ hubba and after dark, a pop shove-it backside 5-0 frontside 180 out, categorizable within the Tim O’Connor school of lesser-seen ledge configurations. His previous section in Bleach USA’s ‘Spike’ vid was just as gnarly, with a very nice switch Suski grind 180 out and one of this nearly dead year’s most picturesque switch 360 flips, flicked across an alleyway gap and backed by a freewheeling saxophone solo.

2. Jeff Carlyle – ‘Right Here for Pablo’

December 30, 2022

Debates raged across skate shop counters in the early days of the big gap era over how the precision and finesse required for tech tricks compared to those needed to get the right pop/flick/spin off the top of a big drop, and the confidence to hang on til impact. The GX1000 dudes have added a new and white-knuckled dimension over the past decade, mainly in the sense that past a certain point on some of their hills, there’s no kicking out or bailing. “Fuck that shit, it’s all mental,” Jeff Carlyle states, maybe to himself, nursing a charlie horse and a beat-to-shit board before nosegrinding a bump to bar towards the end of ‘Right Here for Pablo.’ He expresses the sweary comment after already having featured in some of the more intense and pressurized clips in the video, boardsliding a kinked handrail mid-kick out, jumping fakie down the China Banks tiles and riding all the way down after the fence backside smith grind. Jeff Carlyle’s backside lipslide on the rail at the top of Mason Street and the bomb down is the craziest trick in a heavy video, and he ripped all over town, from the wallride 180 50-50 180 out and the nosegrind grab over the bench, plus he got to back up Jake Johnson.

3. Bobby De Keyzer – ‘Bobby’

December 29, 2022

How many years are we away from Socrates Leal or Tim Dowling launching ASMR YouTube channels dedicated to VX-mic’ed crooked grinds and Hi-8 flatground soundscapes? Until such a point in time people may have to settle for Dude style head-to-rug headphones sessions, double-tapping left to replay again and again Bobby De Keyzer’s kickflip backside nosegrind in his symphonic project last fall with Ben Chadbourne. The different mood flashes give this vid some depth, from the straight obnoxious kickflip that starts it out to the sighing strings when he gets into the backside tailslide, and the late-night comedown after the manual to perfectly caught backside flip over the gap, a potent artist-producer combo from two of the modern masters.

4. Mariah Duran – ‘Rapa Nui’

December 28, 2022

Presumed stone obelisk fancier Mariah Duran in this vid turned her hardflips pro, taking them down big blocks and stair sets, cranking them backside over hips and down banks with the mellow confidence of one of the few working professionals to hold a headband pass. She’s got here a mean backside tailslide, some Brian Peacock-level track suit choices, immaculate flick and generally an easygoing way on her board in spite of, or maybe as a result of, various rollercoaster-ride plunges into desert ditches. She’s also got some pretty good range, shifting from top rope drop-ins to kinked handrails to campus tech – her line at the USC ledges with the backside flip in the more recent clip for Thunder was a 1996-level time warp.

5. Leonardo Bodelazzi – ‘Leozinho’

December 27, 2022

It’s one thing to do super hard tricks – the IG explore page for several years has offered up skatepark flingers teaching cautionary lessons about the kickflip body varial as gateway drug to more twisted, blasphemous knowledge. It is a separate thing to choose super hard tricks that look good, and into this category Brazil’s Leonardo Bodelazzi shall be categorized. In this footage digitally published earlier this year by Free, he takes a switch backside tailslide over not one but two Philly steps; rather than kickflip off a bump up the big three-stack, he switch kickflips; his nollie powers are such that he straight snaps not only a bump to bar, but goes from Universitat bench to bench, no shifty. It’s at the end though where he goes on some type of wild bluntslide jag that incorporates nearly all the hardest thinkable variants – fakie to backside noseblunt on a bank to ledge, nollie to frontside blunt, nollie backside noseblunt with a hefty pop out to regular, and at the well-worn pyramid ledges, a perfect fakie frontside blunt that measures up to Josh Wilson’s ABD principles.

6. Casper Brooker – ‘Cathedral’

December 26, 2022

If a body were going to draw up a list of ways to make filming a skate video more difficult than it might otherwise already would be, Casper Brooker and Jacob Harris’ Drift-adjacent Nike production from last spring has a bunch of ideas – keep it not only to one spot, make it a busy one, and go when nobody’s around; film mainly lines but include nearly no pushing, and orient a load of the hardest stuff around ledge tricks to manuals, a sub-subgenre that was at one point relegated to the credits section gag reel. South Bank is plenty photogenic, Casper Brooker for sure brings some heaters like the fakie manual to fakie ollie down the steps and the big boost out of the backside smith grind, and these dudes really don’t need much else – a block and a bank.

7. Elijah Odom – ‘You Deserve It’

December 25, 2022

The record indicates that particular tricks, carried off in proper form and in the utmost time, can be enough all by themselfs to register placement on a year-end wrap list published on a web ‘blog’, and in this year, such an individual is Alltimers sponsored Elijah Odom, and specifically his fakie shove-it nosegrind across the step ledge in the company’s full-length vid from November. With enough time and thoughtful character placement, its praises could properly be sung (typed), though one may run the risk of short-shrifting a ton of the other material packed into this part, like the length he gets out of the backside 180 nosegrind on the big white Pulaski wall or the boosted fakie ollie over the rail. This dude is an East Coast bruiser with a silky backside flip and the muscle to plow through serious crust, like the backside 50-50 on the traffic barrier or the Philly step frontside nosegrind. He’s got a great fakie backside tailslide in the recent ‘Rascal’ video also.

8. Shor West – ‘Evisen’

December 24, 2022

With exceptions granted to most any of the myriad codes and dictats that govern skating, are the much-maligned ‘safety hands’ given a pass when the bro or bro-ette in question really seems to be on the teetering verge of catastrophe? Shor West in this tremblor of a part for Evisen last summer at times looks like he’s hanging on by the last tread on the tips of his Vans, like on the pyramid-scale noseblunt slide or at the tail end of the line on the white tile embankments, and by the time he’s method grabbing off the side of another hunk of Japanese crust he’s on his way to falling off entirely. In an apparent effort to check off some ‘Insane Terrain’-style bingo card, Shor West at other points here hits up a jumbo-sized full pipe and drops into a pool from a boat; on IG he separately posted up a pretty crazy ceiling bash.